FTL: Worst Crew For The Job
by BobbertCanuck
Summary: The Federation is on it's last legs. They decide to do a last ditch mission that could very well save the Federation from certain defeat at the hands of the rebels. Too bad that the crew they selected is dysfunctional and they bicker constantly. Rated M for future content. (On Hiatus, Sorry)


**Disclaimer:** I do not own FTL, the people who created FTL own FTL.

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**FTL: Wrong Crew For The Job**

**Part I: Prologue**

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Avon II, A planet located on the Perseus Arm, Galactic Longitude is 10 degrees, approximately 42000 light years from earth, and relatively close to the Sagittarius Arm. This planet is an earth colony. It's two main colonies are New Pennsylvania, of the United States, and New Cornwall of the United Kingdom. Several other earth countries have colonies here too. This planet is near the border of the fight between the Milky Way Federation and the Rebellion. There are three ships in orbit, The HMS Warrior, a Britannia Class Dreadnought, HMCS Montreal, a Chinook class Frigate, and the ROKS Gunsan, a Donghae Class Corvette. The USS George Washington, a New York Class Battle-cruiser, used to be in orbit but it was called to the front along with other ships to stall the Rebel advance. There were many other ships of many more classifications and sizes and nationalities in orbit of neighbouring planets. It was only a matter of time until the rest of the ships were called into battle. The Federation HQ for this sector knew that slowly throwing ships at the rebel fleet would create more time than if they were to throw all of them at the armada at once. The Federation command were desperate for a way to prevent the rebels from capturing another sector from the Federation.

A heavily damaged Ohio Class Frigate jumped in from the front.

"This is the USS Baltimore, we repeat, the USS Baltimore. We have completed our mission from Federation High Command."

"This is the Avon II Federation HQ, explain your mission."

"We were sent by the highest commanders of Federation Admiralty. Our mission was to download all files relating to the Rebel Fleet."

"That's fantastic, we'll give you some fuel, patch up your hull-"

"Uh yeah, no offence, but if you do that, you'll just be wasting your time, we're in really bad way up here."

"surely your ship can be repaired-"

"Uh no... no it can't. Our reactor is at like... critical. I mean, we're pretty much running on our backup battery. Also we're missing our weapons system."

"You're what!?"

"Uh... yeah, w-we hawked if for fuel and repairs a few sectors back."

"Why'd you do that!?"

"We uh, had no scrap, had no weapons to sell, had no missiles to sell, had- *sigh*, look, we had literally nothing expendable to sell. So we found this black market guy and offered him our weapons system."

"..."

"Uh... yeah... sorry about that."

"N-no matter. Who else is on the ship."

"Uh... there's me... and uh... a zoltan. There used to be six of us... but four of them died."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Y-yeah, we didn't have time to give them proper funerals, so we just ejected their bodies into space. It kinda hurt to do it though."

"Just transfer the information to us, we'll handle a proper memorial for your comrades."

The USS Baltimore sent over the information regarding the Rebel Fleet. Now with this information in hand. The commanders of the Avon II HQ had to figure out a plan.

"I believe that we should send the HMS Warrior. It's a formidable Dreadnought and can easily handle meddlesome pirates and rebel cruisers.." Suggested Admiral Sydney.

"Yes, but it's far too slow, not to mention that a ship of its size would attract a lot of unwanted attention from rebel sympathizers. An entire fleet could be called in against it" Replied Vice Admiral Jonus.

"How about we send a frigate, or a corvette." Sydney proposed

"They don't carry enough fuel to get back to sector 8. They would be stranded and left for dead. Not to mention that they could also attract unwanted attention." Replied Jonus again.

"I believe that I have calculated a reasonable plan."general Turzil stated.

"Is that so, would you care to tell us the details." Sydney implored.

"We bring a decommissioned light cruiser back into temporary service, we ask the three ships that currently orbit the planet to spare one volunteer each. Due to the fact that the class of ship would be no longer in service, people would assume it to have been bought at scrap value and restored. This would give us a small ship with a crew of three that would go unnoticed. For all the average civilian knows, they could be some random mercenary." The engi general stated.

"What a stupid plan," Jonus spat, "Admiral Sydney sir, tell this dumb bucket of bolts that his plan-"

"That's enough out of you Jonus. You're dismissed."

"But sir!"

"Y**ou Are Dismissed.**"

"Very well sir." he said bitter fashion before exiting the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Turzil, we are going to use your plan, provided you can find an older ship model on our records."

"No need admiral. I update my records bi-diurnally. There is a Kestrel Class Light Cruiser on this planet. It was decommissioned two weeks ago, however due to Rebel actions, it still hasn't been taken to a certified dry-dock for reactor dismantlement. It should still be in working order."

"Right then. Turzil, find that ship and see to it that they outfit it with a spare Artemis and burst Laser MK II. In the mean time, I'll round-up a crew for the ship."

Sydney and Turzil waited no time, they immediately got to work, they had everything ready in a mere three hours.

The ship, HMS Kestrel, as they named it, seeing as it's name had faded away, was outfitted with an Artemis and Burst Laser MK II. The crew of three, one volunteer from the three orbiting ships, the Warrior, Montreal, and Gunsan. The reason for one volunteer per ship was that they were already understaffed as it was. They couldn't spare anymore than one, or at least that's what they all told Sydney. Sydney stood in front of the ship, proud that the plan was coming together. Turzil walked up beside him.

"If this works Turzil, the Federation will be saved."

"Admiral, my calculations dictate that this plan only has a 30% chance of success."

"That's still better odds than the other plans... right?"

"Affirmative."

The stood, silent for a moment.

"So, shall we go in and see the crew off?" asked Sydney.

"Yes, sir."

The boarded the ship, they were greeted by the ships new captain, a navigator from the HMS Warrior. He saluted.

"At ease captain, whats your name?" Sydney asked.

"Lieutenant-Commander James Cook, sir, fourth UK-Federation clone programme."

"Admiral William Sydney Smith, third UK-Federation clone programme." offering a hand shake.

"Pleasure to meet a fellow clone and Brit, admiral." he said, accepting the hand shake.

"This is general Turzil of the Engi Brigade." Sydney said, gesturing to the engi general.

"General." he acknowledged with a handshake.

"I have read ancient earth documentations of your travels captain, I do not believe they could have found someone more capable."

"Thank you general."

"Good, now that the pleasantries have been taken care of, I would like to see the crew."

James' face quickly contorted to a look along the lines of 'I was hoping he wasn't going to ask that'. He walked over to the comm.

"Attention all crew-" James started.

"Ugh, what now!" A rude yet modulated voice interrupted.

"The **Admiral** is here, and he want's to inspect the us."

The voice simply groaned in response. Sydney was disgusted by the blatant disrespect to authority.

"Oh and get Ji Song on your way here."

Sydney stood there, waiting for the other two crew members to arrive, all the while regretting his decision to go with Turzil's plan.

The two crew members walked into the room. The first was a female that looked to be of asian decent, she had black hair, done into a ponytail, and looked to be about average height, she stood at attention next to the captain, she seemed more respectable than the voice heard on the comm. The next was a man who, if he wasn't slouching, would be the tallest one in the room, he had dark brown hair, well combed, and had frame-less rectangular glasses, he stood beside the woman and straightened himself up, revealing his true height.

Sydney walked over to the woman.

"Name and rank?"

"Uh... Ji S-Song... L-Lieutenant" she said, with broken speech and a korean accent.

"Nervous?"

"N-no... don't s-speak english... well."

"I see..."

he walked over to the man... and looked up.

"Name and rank?"

He groaned.

"Ross J. Blackwell, Commander." he replied. His voice was that rude voice heard on the comm.

"Y-your a commander!?" Sydney spluttered in confusion.

"Yep."

"They let you volunteer? You're a bridge officer! A second in command!"

"Wrong," he chimed, "I would be a bridge officer and second in command if I weren't the best damn engineer in the federation."

Sydney sighed, he despised cockiness.

"Hey, wait a minute!" James outburst, "You're a higher rank than me!?"

"Oh it is," Ross smirked, "well, I guess that makes me captain then."

Sydney nearly had a heart attack at the premiss of this rude, impudent, rapscallion running a mission of this calibre of importance.

"Congratulations _Captain_ James Cook."

"What!" Ross and James spluttered in unison.

"You're getting an honorary promotion. No objections?"

"I-"

"Good, then good luck on the mission captain." With that, Sydney and Turzil left the ship, leaving Ross speechless.

A few minutes later, the ship was ready, the information was aboard the ship's computer, and the crew debriefed, and the ship ready for departure. Sydney and Turzil stood on a balcony as they watched the ship leave the hangar and zip off into space.

"Well... we're screwed." Sydney said flatly. Turzil nodded.

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**I hope you enjoyed this. Read and review please. Constructive criticism is highly valued.**


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